you know about me... you know i am going through something similiar yet not so similar as you are dealing only with your whole family i am dealing with my brother... where as you are very defensive on them... i am actually starting to open up my mind to other things.. not turning str8 because he does accept that i am gay .. they just want me to live in a celibate life... either way... the beautiful thing with my brother he doesnt expect something to occur from one day... he doesnt expect me to become straight.. he is geniunly concerned of my after life...
now what i am trying to say is you have to admit regardless if we are gay or str8 me and you push the limits sometimes....
how many sex partners we had in the past 4 years ?
how many drunken weeks/weekends have we had in the past year ?
mow much drugs have we consumed ?
maybe when yo go tell your therapist you want to be str8 he wont believe you directly ... so why not tell him you want to be the best version of YOU... tell i want to take baby steps first ... by cutting down on drinking and sex etc.
Q's comment on my "Self-degaying, self-decaying?" post
After reading Q's latest post, I thought that it's just a Gemini phase where he'll get distracted at some point regardless how long he'll last in that coma but what made me give the whole "pseudo-heterosexual" concept another thought was what my shrink asked me in the last session whether I'm still keeping my hetero-friendships fully alive and when was the last time I saw them, In addition to what someone I chat with told me, that his ex.date(that I don't know) saw me in many gay parties. So I got confused between what's good and what's bad? to be totally out of the closet or to be partially in it? Isn't every choice we make has its cons and pros? Does the majority of gay guys freak out when they would know that my parents & my close straight friends know about my "tragic inclination", that I've many gay friends, that I've been officially into gay life for 6 years now & I'm only 21, that I can no longer know my magic number of guys I've been sexually with, that I've an experience that is one of the causes of my over self-confidence? Will we have neo-discreets like Q who wants to resuscitate his very old "keeping-low-profile"? And what about the reformists who are sick of the gay scene and wants to fix everything neo-liberals have done?
I don't understand what's wrong to just be yourself? To do things that you enjoy without feeling abstinent about it and asking for repentance? I'm not saying that we just go around advertising it but the people that you know, the people that you love, you don't keep it a secret from them! But why would people keep it a secret? Is it because it's dangerous out there? For them, is it like why take the risk? But, isn't not taking the risk is riskier?
Is it true that when homosexuals devote to their gay lifestyle & abandon their former straight life with its people, they become cruel, more vicious and they become laws unto themselves? Whereas homosexuals such as what Q wants to be, who live "pseudo-heterosexually", much more likely to hang onto some semblance of their former pre-coming-out-to-themselves life?
But I'm sorry Q, you are horribly mistaken, this isn't a change, this is a wimp! Regardless how fitting is my "Forbidden fruit guy" in your whole "less-parties-drinking-sex-scene" change, you will walk in circles, you will get dizzy from it that you will have no perspective anymore and you will need a strong jolt to wake you up, move forward, get over it and get back on the horse!
IQ oh my lovely long legged IQ you missed the whole point ...
ReplyDeletei am not saying do what i am doing ... which is extracting myself from the scene.. i am saying start doing other things too... forget about gay and straight for hypothetically speaking for a minute...
if a person who goes out to much like every weekend and party a lot... what would we call this person a party animal a guy whose his own ambition in life revolves around the party... going out every now and then and every chance with in a str8 or gay society is look down upon .. becuase eventually it leads to alcoholism, drugism, sexism.
from a sexaully active perspective... when you just do it too much you start actually loosing the meaning of it ... it start becomes of a habit ... like i am bored ... lets log on manjam and entertain ourselves..
you know i have been around the world a bit.. i have seen much gay societies... when we travel as tourists, we mostly see the Gay Bars & Clubs, but when do miss out actually on the whole scene, just as when straight people travel they see the bars and clubs of the straight scene.. but in no idea does those bars and clubs reflect the actual society, i was lucky when i went to France and Australia that i got to experience more beyond that.. people in general had more productive lives... things that expand the mind in more ways than just partying... dont get me wrong PARTY IS NOT WRONG and it is essential every once in a while to let loose
but then i guess here the thing i keep forget your are 21 and that you are still a university student and that when i was your age i have probably done alot more worse than you ... well not probably for sure i have...and its actually part of the university life, when you dont work that you have to experience those things... but also as people reach the end of their university years, they start maturing (yes i know you are mature for your age already but still more is needed ) and i guess that is what you are sort of doing right now.. you are starting to take the next step forward by self questioning yourself..
you at the moment are on the path for the NEW IQ to be reborn a phoenix to raise from its flames!! the only things it that you shape this new IQ ... and you choose your new path
Come on!!! do you think I've nothing to do in my life other than practicing my sexual orientation, partying & drinking? I thought you'd know better(since you know me in real) than other readers who believe that too!
ReplyDeleteI didn't say you've to go party every weekend, I didn't say that we've to cut off all your str8 friendships, It's very lame of you to generalize alcoholism, drugism & sexism on all gay guys with that lifestyle, you are applying now a very str8 stereotype about gay guys; Horny party animals who only drink and get fucked!
Now you r the one who is missing the whole point, I've nothing against partying or not!! The hell I care if you party or if you don't! And DO NOT throw "you are 21 and that you are still a university student" crap on me, You of all the people should have known very well that I don't have the lifestyle of a str8 or even gay 21 years old university student guy!
Habibi, YOU at the moment are suffering from a huge double standards issues, religious mess and social drama! At least when I choose to change, I stick to my choice and don't do extremely the opposite of this choice once I stepped out of my country and got away from the "person" who indirectly obligated this choice upon me!
XOXO
Darlin
ReplyDeletewe are on the same page...as i said not all of the gay culture is about partying scene.. there is more than that... which we both agree on.
yes i know you are not all about partying and that you do like other things.. bravo on the gym and tredmill... but IQ as you said you have been in the scene for 6 years... i am not saying quit it... i am saying for the weekends for example maybe you can do a for the str8ties :) (i know it sounds boring .. i have been trying!! ) ... i am not launching an assault on your lifestyle ... or saying there is anything BAD or WRONG with your lifestyle... i am just saying its time to start expanding horizon a bit ... i am saying the scene is exhausting at least for me personally it was... i was giving my personal opinion which applies usually to me.
you are 21 yet you are very mature for your age and any one who knows you would vouch for that... however in the same time it doesnt mean you met full maturity ... i thought at the age of 26 i am mature... alot of my friends actually believe so.. but lately this year i discovered i really am not as i thought i should be that there is a nother maturity level to go through ... actually life as all in all is just about maturing even if you are 70... so when i said you are 21 UNI BOY and you still maturing i meant to say is that you are finishing university soon and soon you will start to go through the next period of your life which involves having more responsibilities and work... god knows that you have already had enough responsibilities on your head... for example the one you have towards your family at the moment, if you where in a western society you wouldnt have that much i guess i mean it would have been easier for you to pick up the pieces and just live out alone and be responsible for your ownself only. as we go out from one age to another we get more responsibilities put on us... and i am sure you know that with out me telling you.. anyway why did i start talking about responsibilities...
the whole idea of what i am trying to say IQ is very simple. dont put a barrier around your mind and listen to other people ideas... you dont have to actually act upon on them or do them but think about them... and i never implied that you should turn straight as your stupid shrink said... i never said you should trust him..as you know i no longer go to him because i didnt trust him from the start and his unprofessional attitude. what i am saying seeing that you have been going through mood swings, and i am not sure why exactly ya hayyati that you should like why not step back and evaluate things ... and i think by take a step back i didnt mean from partying i meant really from one night stands... let the lust build up in you... why not JUST try not having sex for 3 months ... i know you are not single by choice i know that if prince charming walked up to you and asked you out on a date you will not decline ... but i dont know ... with me at least i found when it i became the incarnation of virgin marry last year when i just moved back to Egypt and i slowed down on my sex drive that things where better... again i am not saying you should do that... i am saying you should think about it from that angle ;)
P.S. i still "luv" you after those responses to my comments.. LOL
Who said that I cut off my str8 friendships? Who said that I go out with them on some weekends? But the whole point is that I don't agree that going out with str8 friends balances you! There is no such a thing as balancing your gayness!
ReplyDeleteI know that you are not judging my lifestyle and neither did I judge yours, I'm just discussing it out and loud cuz personally I'm sure that you are not 100% convinced with what you wanna do and you know well what I mean!
I've never said that I'm mature enough or that I'm the most mature and wise guy among my age group, I totally agree with you that we go through non-stop phases of maturation!
Exactly, why talking about responsiblities now? lol everything on a time =P wa ba3dain I know that I'll be(or I'm) facing responsiblities very soon but I'm completely fine with that!
That's exactly what I did, I didn't put a barried around my mind, I thought about other people ideas, and I wrote this post to discuss what I think!
And about mood-swings, I've been having them since forever but lately they've been intense but I knew how to deal with it...and anyway my mood-swings are so irrelevant to what we are talking about here!!!
Cheers!
two words
ReplyDeletePoint acknowledged...
Geminis are exhausting!
ReplyDeleteWhy do I feel like that this discussion between IQ, and Q is the typical "arab" discussion where just because you both have different opinions, everyone is trying to prove the other "wrong"?
ReplyDeletePersonally, I don't think there is a right or wrong in this situation. You each live your life the way you want, and the way that makes you comfortable and that's it. It's whatever works for everyone of you guys! No need to try to debate this back and forth this way!
"I don't understand what's wrong to just be yourself?"
IQ, I am sorry to say though that you are anything but yourself. I don't know you personally, I have never met you, I only know you through your blog, but unfortunately, you do not come across as someone who is just himself. You are trying so hard to be someone that you are not, and I wish I could explain it by quoting a sentence, or a a paragraph of your posts to prove my point, but it's just a constant feeling that I get whenever I read your posts.
"the people that you love, you don't keep it a secret from them! But why would people keep it a secret?"
I think thats a ridiculous statement! There are 101 reasons that force gay guys in Egypt and in the Arab World to keep it a secret (to pretend to not understand that when you're one of those guys yourself is just ridiculous). Besides, if you so believe what you're saying here, I think you should ask yourself that question since this is what you have done for years! You kept it a secret from your family for YEARS! (and I would like to think that your family is part of the people that you love). You never came out to them...They were the ones who outed you, and who found out about you and caught you(and I don't think you ever did really admit to anything, you went through this whole therapy by own admission to get them off your back)...If you really were yourself, and didn't want to keep secrets from the people you love as you claim, you wouldn't spend posts and posts talking about how you are lying to your parents, and how you will continue to lie to them...
I am not being judgmental here, or telling you what you should do, or how to live your life. I think you're an amazing brave soul, and I don't have a problem with what you're doing right now. After all, you're trying to survive in a very cruel world, and you need to do what you do in order to be able to survive. I just have a problem with you claiming something that is not true! (the honest person who wouldn't hide his homosexuality from his loved ones, and who just doesn't understand how people can do that!)...
I am sorry but If you can lie and lie and lie to people that you love and care about, so can other people too!...
you both guys r right .. there is no standard in that life .. every one have the right to do whats fits him..
ReplyDeletenothing about being Gemini .. its about experimenting in life and find out whats the best for you .. thats all.
I agree with hello, the blog opens a discussion, yet with every comment there is a reply to each and every point or observation in it to prove it wrong.
ReplyDeleteI believe gayness needs balancing much as everything else in life, if someone were too absorbed by his/her job forgetting about his/her family, his/her needs, hobbies etc, he/she would need balancing all the same, and usually the balance is attained by going to total opposite side; in this case, by hanging out with str8 friends for example, by having fun without drinking, by dating without sex.
Why balance? simply because imbalance and well being don't usually coexist and, if you were OK, this and the rest of the posts wouldn't be here, would they?
Not putting a barrier doesn't mean giving another person the right to talk (or a comment area to a post), the other person has and will always have that right regardless of us, not putting a barrier implies considering the other as someone giving us a unique, different and important new perspective that, will enrich us, not threaten us, because we r not perfect, our views will never be complete, whether we are 21-years-old university students or 70-years-old well-traveled people. Others complete us, their views make us grow, even if they sound different from ours, even if they sound absurd or,worst, threateningly better than our perfect mature opinion.
To some extent I agree with Hello. I stress that you are a brave soul trying to survive in a cruel world while being yourself (or as much as that is possible) but also while trying to keep those you love around you.
ReplyDeleteI think we all lie in all sorts of ways. Some of us lie to our mothers about what time we got home because she would worry a lot, some of us lie to our family about our sexual orientation, some of us lie to our societies about our chastity... And all of these have reasons and justifications.
Of course in an ideal world it would be best to be ourselves and expect those around to accept it. But there is a reality that is present and we cannot change it. What we could do is take little steps and small maneuvers to achieve a formula you are comfortable with. In other words, you get to pacify those around you, while to some extent you are honest to yourself.
You know, I think lying to others around us may be excused. But, what matters is that we be honest with ourselves. If you are honest with yourself, who gives a rat's ass (at the moment) if your shrink or Q agrees with your lifestyle.
I am not in a position to judge you or tell you how to live your life and what extra curricular activities you should take up. On the contrary, I'll say 'live your life and live it day by day as if there were no tomorrow'. (I'm sure you won't take this literally as you're more intelligent than that). What matters is that at 35 or 40 you don't look back at your life with regrets. Those who are older than you and advise you to calm it down or cool it are very selfish and patronizing. They think that their particular experience in life is great and exemplary enough to be taken into account. I obviously do not believe so. Each individual experience is unique in its own way and nobody could attempt to enforce their experiences and their choices on someone else simply upon the premises of age, wisdom, experience, etc. They could only offer advice but that's where it stops.
Also, and I am sure all religionists will rise against me, but WHAT AFTER LIFE? As a historian who believes in scientific evidence, I do not advise taking religion too seriously. It is the ill of ills and one of the main ills of our societies for as long as religion has existed. But then again, using 'after life' is such an obvious scare tactic - a smaller example of how governments, systems and institutions use religion as a tool for political/military mobilization (and I am not excluding the US neo-cons).
This was long. Mainly, live your life. Do it all (as long as you do not harm your body but that also is your choice). I would say keep away from dangerous drugs. That's the only caution I could bring to your attention.
YOU NEED TO GET OUT OF EGYPT! THE SENSELESS GUILT IS EATING YOU FROM THE INSIDE...
ReplyDeleteVery well said, Anonymous...Agree with everything you said.
ReplyDeleteHello:
ReplyDeleteAm having a deja-vu of "Magic Mirror..." post! =P
"Why do I feel like that this discussion between IQ, and Q is the typical "arab" discussion where just because you both have different opinions, everyone is trying to prove the other "wrong"?"
Well I don't c it that way, I c that everyone has an opinion and sticking to it, hence it may appear for others that everyone is trying to prove the other "wrong"!
"IQ, I am sorry to say though that you are anything but yourself. I don't know you personally, I have never met you, I only know you through your blog, but unfortunately, you do not come across as someone who is just himself. You are trying so hard to be someone that you are not, and I wish I could explain it by quoting a sentence, or a a paragraph of your posts to prove my point, but it's just a constant feeling that I get whenever I read your posts."
I'll need you to elaborate that!
"Besides, if you so believe what you're saying here, I think you should ask yourself that question since this is what you have done for years! You kept it a secret from your family for YEARS! (and I would like to think that your family is part of the people that you love). You never came out to them...They were the ones who outed you, and who found out about you and caught you(and I don't think you ever did really admit to anything, you went through this whole therapy by own admission to get them off your back)...If you really were yourself, and didn't want to keep secrets from the people you love as you claim, you wouldn't spend posts and posts talking about how you are lying to your parents, and how you will continue to lie to them..."
I KNEW that my parents knew for so many years(my sister knew 3 years prior to my outing, my dad talked to me about it before..etc) but they were in denial, I've always wanted to tell them but I felt that it's better for their own good to keep them in their denial until the suitable moment came when I felt that I'm mature enough for such a step with my parents and I can handle the situation, and that when they talked to me about it again and I DIDN'T DENY IT! i.e they didn't technically out me!
And again, I know my parents better and it's already too much for them to have a favourite son who turned out to be gay(whether they show that to me or not) so I don't want them to go through more trauma, you may not understand that and they may not understand that now but I'm sure one day they'll understand what I'm doing.
"I just have a problem with you claiming something that is not true! (the honest person who wouldn't hide his homosexuality from his loved ones, and who just doesn't understand how people can do that!)..."
I hope you understand me now =)
echo:
ReplyDeleteYou are right and again, I'm not projecting my standards upon others! =)
Anonymous 9:39PM:
"I believe gayness needs balancing much as everything else in life, if someone were too absorbed by his/her job forgetting about his/her family, his/her needs, hobbies etc, he/she would need balancing all the same, and usually the balance is attained by going to total opposite side; in this case, by hanging out with str8 friends for example, by having fun without drinking, by dating without sex."
Excuse me I don't think I've heard you correctly, Gayness needs balancing? Does heterosexuality need balancing? Come again!
And what's the correlation between being gay and drinking to have fun? and between being gay and having promiscuous life?
Am sorry but let's just cut off your balance crap!
"not putting a barrier implies considering the other as someone giving us a unique, different and important new perspective that, will enrich us, not threaten us, because we r not perfect, our views will never be complete, whether we are 21-years-old university students or 70-years-old well-traveled people. Others complete us, their views make us grow, even if they sound different from ours, even if they sound absurd or,worst, threateningly better than our perfect mature opinion"
Again for the zillion time, I'm not against Q's choices or anyone's opinions, I just have my own opinion about Q's choice and I'm sticking to it!
But it's very interesting that you find Q's perspective threatening! lol
Posh:
ReplyDeleteOh my all the times favourite reader <3 I really have nothing to comment about what you've said, you said all I've wanted to say =)
Thank you!
Anonymous 6:18AM
What? and also why the caps?
Hello:
No wonder! =P
Is it hard?
ReplyDeleteI don't know..and hey he's my cousin!! hands off :P
What's hard? Being gay? Yeah, it def is!
ReplyDeleteI can't help it, he's cute!
You wanna advise some1? Then you should have got experienced his situation and passed it somehow .. ViceVersa in case u ask 4 advice ..
ReplyDeleteaحmd
First i didn't read all the comments to be honest i went through them very quickly
ReplyDeleteFor me , the way i see it, to be gay, is to be as normal as any guy you meet in life and the only difference is that sexually and emotionally only guys do it for me, i am totally against this provocative term 'Gay Lifestyle'!
aحmd: I don't advise someone to begin with!
ReplyDeleteAnonymous: Touché! Thank you! =)
IQ
ReplyDeleteConcerning the deja-vu, well I am consistent in my views I guess!
With regards to you not being yourself and being pretentious, I honestly don't feel like elaborating on it (and I hope you don't mind!) It's just way too complex and intricate to be summarized in a sentence or two. Maybe if you dedicate a post to that, I might feel like elaborating on it.
With regards to your parents, the point is you never came out to them on your own will! You are trying to spin it around, but just like you have admitted in your response, and in the post you had about that issue a few months ago (I went back and reread it) they had found many clues over a long period of time, and confronted you ...I don't know how you or anyone else would have gotten out of that without admitting that maybe you were a...a little gay ;) Mature or not, whether you wanted to come out to them for years or not, whether you were afraid to hurt their feelings or not, the point is: YOU NEVER TOLD THEM FOR YEARS, and you never CHOSE to tell them...You were FORCED to! you only admitted the truth after it became impossible to lie further, which I don't have a problem with...My problem is you claiming not to understand how people can lie to their loved ones when you have done that for years...It is HYPOCRITICAL and JUDGMENTAL at best because you are very much that person (and that I suppose one of the many reasons why I feel you are quite pretentious)....So I am sorry, no I don't understand what you are saying, and how that refutes the point I am making! (I only saw excuses and trying to ramble on side points that make no difference to my main argument whatsoever).
And i am sorry, but your "discussion" with Q was not merely you stating an opinion...It was you wanting to prove him wrong with you saying things like "you are horribly wrong, etc..." (and I am not the only one with that opinion so there must be some truth to it).
Poshlemon...
ReplyDeleteI saw a few plagiarized phrases in your post from my earlier one here! ;) Thats not cool! Careful...lol
i think that our society tells us we must either be in the closet OR out of it. That damn closet has got a lot to answer for!
ReplyDeleteSexuality is fluidic. In other words you're not gay, you're you. Perhaps you should be working on getting in touch with who that is without feeling like you have to conform to the stereotype of society that defines a person based on his or her sexuality.
As I see it, it's just one detail in a multi-coloured, multi-faceted canvas.
Great post, by the way.
You know you love me
Hello:
ReplyDeleteYou don't get tired, don't you? =P lol are you a virgo?
With regards to my parents, I wasn't forced, I would have came up with many excuses & explanations if I WANTED TO! and I didn't choose to tell them because neither me nor them were ready yet for such a step!
About "You are horribly mistaken..etc" Well, I wrote it in this way because when I wrote that post I didn't believe that Q was convinced by what he's doing now matter how denies this fact but now I'm starting to understand/believe him more thu I'm not quite sure If he is convinced or not!
SO if I felt that Q was 100% convinced of what he's doing, I wouldn't have wrote this post in this way and the post was discussing this neo-discreet thing by taking an example of what Q is doing. I'm not against neo-discreets, I don't need to prove them wrong or right but I was against doing something you don't truely believe in!
Cheers!
Anonymous:
Closets should be for clothes, no? =D
I really liked your comment =) Thank you!
We should remember that it's difficult to have a dialogue with young guys about insecurities or ambiguity or uncertainty. For example, you can bust open your heart to a young guy and you'll get a cliche response like: "You shouldn't care what people think" or "You have to live for what's important to you" or "You have to be yourself" without understanding that, first, you already understand all that a lot better than they do, and second, part of understanding is an awareness that you can't maintain meaningful work or personal relationships without caring what other people think, and third, that said young guy (and all young guys) himself cares more about what people think than he even realizes yet.
ReplyDeleteI know my example is painting all young guys with the same heavy brush stroke. The "You shouldn't care what other people think" is just an example. We young folks have a multitude of untested Oprah-style slogans that we are just beginning to explore. I'm probably the poster-boy when it comes to my own mind fuckery, so I'm interested in Q's position and the ensuing discussion.
Mr Q is just another example of the young gay guy testing out what works and doesn't work in his lifestyle. Hopefully, he finds his way.
^ Well, the thing is that Q is 27 for fuck's sake! =)
ReplyDeletevery nice comment btw, thnx
oh wow what a nice thing your blog has sparked up against me or pro me. or god knows what... my point has been to confused in this discussion its very simple maybe if i put in point form it will be easy to be understood clearly
ReplyDelete#i have been so involved and consumed by the gay scene, between gay parties and gay events and gay gatherings and maybe one to one gay that my whole life jsut revolves around gay! that i discovered i have no straight friends i didnt have much of a straight life
#i have decided that i should start pursing making new straight life
#i have decided to go be out of the scene (not stop being gay or having a gay life style or dating) just attend like one party a month rather than the weekly parties
#i have decided that i will cut down my alcoholic days of drinking 4-5 days a week to once or twice a week
in simple terms i am trying to balance out my life...
when IQ said self degaying, self decaying, i suggested hey why not try to find pleasure in more than partying and other things like trying to calm down things like me ... by that i dont mean that IQ is all the time partying it up but i know he doesnt... but what i tried to referred to it or try to suggest, why not try something in life that is different from his normal rythem ... try dating for example ? which i am sure he tried, however as he said he has the BUT complex where he sees in every guy he has been with a "but" oh well in no way i am trying to force my view or anyway i am criticizing IQ.. i am just suggesting ... so this isnt really an argument or an advice its just suggestion ... however i am suprized at the amount of responces we got ! 26 comments and counting
and note to IQ i am 26 YEARS OLD and not 27 how dare you make me one year older than i am !!! 1 whole full year
Just Posting something for (HELLO)
ReplyDeletewhy are you taking things against IQ as if you had unfinished business with him... whether he chose to tell his parents or not,whether he likes to party or even dress in drag and walk in the streets with a rainbow flag in his hands...Its his Life ,His Choices , whichever suits him he knows whats best for him...
L
Hello Anonymous or L...
ReplyDeleteYou must have not read my comments attentively! In my 2 comments, I said I DON'T have any problems with the way IQ lives his life...i.e. whether he choses to tell his parents or not, whether he likes to party, etc...I even said in my first comment that I don't think there is a right or wrong in the way you chose to live your life (IQ or Q)and that everyone lives his life the way he wants to.
My ONLY problem is with the way IQ critized all those who hide their homosexuality from their loves ones, as if he had never done it before, thus me attempting to show him how he's not very different from the people he is criticizing!
Okay guys, you can go prosper now and comment about my latest post =P
ReplyDelete