Limbo

It's been so long since I last wrote something. Sometimes I write down random thoughts that cross my mind, sometimes I visualize a post in my head but I don't get inspired enough to fully write it on my blog. I used to be more private about what goes on on my mind in order not to freak people out or provoke them but in the last couple of years I became more and more open about expressing my mind & my emotions to my friends and specially my boyfriend to the extent that a blog doesn't make it for me anymore. It does no longer satisfy my sick urge to break and push people's limit to the extreme.

I'm looking now into this (700 x 340 pixel) box where me & my alter-ego are supposed to type what we want to express to the whole virtual world, although the box can expand with words as much as I want but I've a feeling that I grew out of it. I can't expand with it and it won't respond back, it's too submissive, it doesn't challenge me enough and no matter how much it expands, I can still feel its lame limits.
It doesn't bond with me like how Snow in Vienna did! It's not that cold, calm, powerful, shiny and Icy. But even though I connected with the snowy nature and had my lovely boyfriend with me, there was always an itching feeling that there is something missing; sometimes it itched me in the shape of my friends back in Cairo, sometimes it itched as homesickness, sometimes it itched as missing challenges when it was so easy to get anyone I want in the club or sexclub or sauna or online with no chase or the need to communicate verbally.
I got so confused with those mixed feelings, itches and the idea of moving to Europe. I felt like I'm in a state of limbo and wondered If one wakes up at a different time, in a different place, could one wakes up as a different person?

There I was, enjoying(slightly abusing) the near-perfect European life standards so why I was missing grumpy old Cairo? The idea of "Identity of one changes with how one perceives reality" made me realize that it took me loads of time and effort to reach a certain belonging to Egypt/Cairo as a living life and that I'm not sure if I can go through this whole process again somewhere else. It will be like building my whole life all over again? I'm very satisfied now with my boyfriend, my close friends and how my life is going in Egypt. I can make it better in the future for sure but I'm not sure if I'll be able to switch off, restart and then switch on in a different place!

But then again the "Living in limbo is better than dying in jail?" question and the idea that at some point my bf will leave Egypt are still killing me!