Pansexuality should be the Future's label!

Gay, bisexual, straight, Bi-curious, gay in denial, straight acting & looking(yeah RIGHT!), top/positive, bottom/negative, both/versatile, both more top, both more bottom, master, slave, dog....too much labels, no?

I couldn't help but wonder what did we benefit from all these labels?!....more & more confusion, I believe!

I don't know why gay people care so much about sexual labels more than non-gay people?! Why fun should be defined in one or two terms? It really triggers my nerves when someone asks me about my role! If you are top then fine, I'll be pure bottom for you and vice versa! It is not a big deal! Life is too short to fill it up with confusion/illusion well cooked by your own fucked-up brain to curse yourself and people around you! You should enjoy every microsecond of your life to the fullest as you can never know what tomorrow is hiding for you! You could get your soul mugged out of you!

I believe that the person who came up with the "pansexuality" term had such a huge zest for life, like the zest of Santa Clause on Prozac getting laid in Disney land!

Pansexuality should be the future's label so that there won't be more fuss, confusion, issues, guiltiness, regret and the list continues! Don't you agree that we will live happily ever after if everyone cared less about those bureaucratic labels?!

Oops I got mugged again!

It's so depressing, I got sprayed by self-defense, mugged, everything is gone AGAIN! The 2 months old laptop, the 2 days old 8MP camera in addition to my wallet!

I lost 2 laptops and 2 cameras in less than 6 months!

It seems that I financially & emotionally attract muggers as my "Spectacular" friend said!

Another empty HP box, another empty camera box! Anyone up to garage sale?

So I don't know if I'll be able to write again or not!

Social class gap: Double dating!

"Love conquers all...
Every cloud has a silver lining...
Faith could move mountains...
Love will always find a way to you...
Everything happens for a reason...
Where there is life, there is hope...
Bla bla bla...

They gotta tell u something, no?!"

Almost 2 weeks passed since I last saw or heard from Mr.B, I decided that the fuss/drama has to end so I literally blocked and deleted him from my life, Sometimes I do like Bree Van De Cap of desperate housewives show when it comes to emotions so Whenever I feel my emotions getting the best of me, I simply picture an empty box and I take whatever am feeling and put that in the box and then i picture myself putting the box away in a big empty closet and closing the door then if I've time, I go back and open the box and deal with the emotion in private like a gentleman(Bree said like a Lady though).
I couldn't help but believe that some people come to our lives and destined to leave it no matter how strong we holded on them in a vain desperate hope to postpone their departure time!
People are like dogs. Tame them, they'll obey. Bite them, they'll bite back. But have your gun ready when one day, the dog will go wrong! so I decided to live again for myself and vigorously run after anything that would triggers the activity of my serotonin!

I had 2 sex dates yesterday on my agenda, I don't usually like to double date but I was tempted enough specially that I wanted to be as less emotional as I can but also another reason made me go for the double dating thing yesterday as both of them were extremely different! It was like eating Egyptian salty spicy pickles after having a "Layali Lebnan" dessert(Speaking of that dessert, I really miss u G)!

The first guy was 27 years old Lebanese hunk/bear, very hottylicous and Spanish looking assistant director! I know him for a period of time but I couldn't put my hands on him when he was in Cairo the previous time so I decided to tie him to bed this time, I took my shower, put my optical contacts on, shaved my promising little beard, scrubbed my face, buttered my body, got dressed, balmed my lips, switched on my car engine, played Samira Saïd's new album(my recent addiction), danced while driving, couldn't care less for the people who are giving me the usual looks, the AC was on and the car was locked.
20 minutes later I was emptying my pockets to pass through Semiramis InterContinental's electronic gate, checked out the hotty golfies in my way from the Lobby to elevators, was knocking the room's door exactly on time as usual(I hate people who don't respect time), there he was, shorter than me, hair sneaking sexily from the edges of his tank top craving to be grabbed roughly, sat on the comfy bed, ran the usual conversation, he came closer, I always enjoy those cute moments before the first kiss when we both run out of things to say, so we kissed, I threw the strawberry gum out of my mouth, unleashed my long tongue(and no darling, not in the lesbian way you are picturing =P) and the rest is history, the bed was in a big mess after we finished though we had vanilla fun, took a shower, dried up, lit my beloved after sex cigarettes, was relieved when I knew that he smokes too(seriously, what's with the smoking-phobia lately? )and since he works in media, I couldn't resist to soak the juicy gossips out of him and sharing some too as I never run out of celebrities gossips(sharing is caring, you know), then the horoscopes conversation replaced the gossips, he laughed when he knew that I could smell LEOs 10 miles away, he believes that all people love Scorpios!.....few minutes later I was back to my car and heading to "Madinet el salam" !

The second guy was 25 years old Egyptian guy, low-middle class, living in Nasr city, his "sweet house" was in that remote, ugly, low class and vulgar area near Heliopolis that I've never been to before so I was pretty excited to explore it, I waited him in front of the famous Microbuses station there, I was in my car smoking a cigarette with the AC on as I couldn't stand the weird smell outside, people everywhere around me are running to catch any bus, lots of microbuses pull over to discarry packs of people and loads new packs, I decided to ignore the looks am receiving and the vibes am sending by making some calls to pass the hateful little waiting time.
Few seconds later someone was knocking on the door's glass, it was him, I unlocked the car and headed to El Salam city.

It was a whole new world to me, narrow streets, sewage effluent everywhere and covered by dozens of people, didn't notice any unveiled girl so far, strauss and glittered clothes everywhere, tight jeans accompanied by thick black leather belts with big buckles, I arrived at the place after many left and right turns, I felt I was like Menna Chalaby in "Ouija" cheesy movie when she was dating a low class hottie and had to wear Niqāb whenever she wanted to go to his apartment but in my case, I had to take off my cross necklace as I know it will take him a light-year to understand that it is not a big deal if a so called Muslim guy wears a cross for fashionable and memorial reasons!
5 floors of falling down probabilities and we were finally in the apartment, it relftected exactly what I've visioned in my mind, the pigeons in a classic wooden cage in the balcony, Saa'd Soghayar's music-if you classify it as music-far away in the background but you can still hear it, uncompleted paint of some walls, some windows were covered by small curtains instead a proper window frame, all of that was sexy somehow in the end!
I sat beside him on the sofa, he was one of those very sexy low-middle class guys whom you crave every now and then, very well-built, average face, shorter than me by few centimeters, so masculine and worth raising your legs for! We made out on the sofa then we moved to the bedroom, took off all our clothes except for the briefs, we kept making out for long time, then it was time to explore his love making prick, I was shocked, it was average to small sized though he told me before we meet that it's large! OMG How I didn't expect that he will be typical Egyptian low-middle class guy about this thing too?! Now I knew why he has such a great body and gives a mind blowing sex! He was counterbalancing/rebounding!! and surprisingly he had his condom and KY gel ready for action, I always bring condoms to the wrong places! I thought that the Lebanese guy will have condoms for sure but he didn't and that's why we didn't go all the way meanwhile I thought the Egyptian guy won't have any so I bought some before I meet him....Arghh! I hate when this happens! It reminded me of that French charicateur where the Guarding angel said "Eh merde!" when a guy made an accident while the angel was asleep! =D

The worst hangover ever: The Bonus sex!

A week ago, I was invited to that party of a foreigner friend of mine(who was apparently upset that I left early as he was longing for a "three action" after party with his boyfriend!) at Zamalek, I passed by my "faithful" friend at Maadi to pick him up as I wanted to entertain him a bit till his boyfriend comes back from his vacation, we were fashionably late, I greeted the host and introduced my friend then I greeted my other friends who were there already, I called my Jordanian LEO friend to invite him over if he wasn't off to Agamy yet, I made myself a Smirnoff Vodka drink, mingled, socialized, gossiped about who is here and who is there, noticed some familiar faces, tried to remember some, one my "Spectacular" friend used to date, another one my Gulfy buddy used to have feelings for one day!

I thought of spicing up the party with some action-I didn't know that the night still reserving me a big action in the end-instead of watching those regular party faces, I called my Gulfy buddy and invited him over to enjoy the good "drinks" & "music", he arrived, I was getting too emotional so I knew I was so drunk, I let him see how his ex. looks like now, whom he's with and how he quickly denied to people at the party that they were boyfriends one fugly day!
My buddy left shortly after he had accomplished his/my mission, I kept making more drinks for my LEO friend which I regretted doing in the next day as I knew that he made out with almost everyone there, my dear bisexual Moroccan friend called me and kept complaining to me from her ex's lunatic/psychotic fishy actions, I felt sorry for her and gave her some piece of advice, I had one more drink and landed peacefully at Lala Land.
I received one new SMS, it was Mr.B, images from the previous weekend kept coming and going, I remembered that I answered his call on that day and planned to do something on the next weekend, so I shortly realized what was the message for, It was almost 2AM, I texted him back that I'm drunk and partying in Zamalek, he invited me over, I was too drunk/emotional to resist the temptations of the Bonus sex so I texted him back that I will come if we will kiss and that he should call me every while to check up on me on my to Nasr City, I excused from my friends, I felt sorry for my friend whom I came with as I was supposed to drop him back to Maadi which made me wonder for a second if it’s worth it, anyway I was too drunk to function/think!

15 minutes later, I was waiting for him to open the door, there he was, still sexy but with 20 pounds less! Don't Know if it was the prolonged muscles disuse or if he is back to coke or whatever! I couldn't really care less!
We did the quick lame "catch-up" thing, I smoked two puffs from the joint, we jumped into bed, it was as easy as a pink bicycle with rainbow colored tassels hanging from the handle grips, once you knew how to ride it, you will never forget how to ride it again and again!

I woke up the next day having the worst hang-over ever! I tried to remember what happened last night, a slide show kept haunting me, How I was that emotional with him on bed?! How resting my head on his hairy chest was my dream apartment?! How we kept cuddling like 2 boyfriends and none of us discussed anything of the emotional electric flow/drama?! How I almost cried and hid my tears when I hardly tamed my tongue from spitting "I love you" and buried it inside his mouth instead?!
How my dignity let me approve to have bonus sex with him even though I knew that he will not contact me the next day?!

I lied to myself and convinced it that am just longing for a last time sex with him and that it is going to be only sex, what the fuck was I thinking?!

What the fuck has Jesus to do with it?!

I believe in God, I believe in Karma, I believe in the good in people, I believe that my freedom stops at the borders of other people's freedom, I believe that life is too short to argue about what is wrong and what is right for me and what’s right for other people, I only believe in Agnosticism and it feels good to believe in something!

Ibby is another fresh gay guy who is new into the lame gay dating websites and as I'm a magnet to this breed of guys lately, he smoothly found his way to my MSN list, impressed/trapped me by how well educated, well brought-up, stunning looking he is! And as he is new to this, he wasn't that self-confident with guys like the rest of his breed.
We chatted for 2 weeks or something during my exams without even seeing his face picture, everything was great, the online chemistry, the jokes, the indirect sex talk…etc Yes, I was so comfortable & so being myself with him which made me patient with him until I finished my exams and got a new laptop so I finally saw his face pictures and was mesmerized by how good-looking he is!
So we finally met after many long phone calls, I usually see failure coming when I chat or talk a lot with someone before we meet, anyway there he was, taller than me (which rarely happens), trimmed beard topped by edible lips and dazzling grayish green-colored eyes accompanied with eye blinding smile! He parked his car and got into mine, we cruised in that kinda remote area, I pulled over at my favorite place where I go to when I feel lonely or depressed or both so I can see Cairo from another point of view, he loved the spot, he sent me some shy vibes/ messages that he wants to kiss me , after a while we got back into the car, he stole a kiss while I was driving in the main street, it was cheesy and risky but very sexy and then his questions cloud hit my mystery cloud and it started to heavily rain !
Do you have gay friends? How many guys did you sleep with? How many years have you been into this? oh my god you are so young for all of that! Don't you get scared to put your pictures online? Are your parents religious or Kuffar(Agonists/Spiritual) like you? Wow! you are so brave to come out to your close straight male & female friends! you should stop smoking as it is bad for your health, OMG you smoke up like my ex. boyfriend? His hot cloud didn't last much in front of my cold cloud, soon enough the weather was clear again after my cold diplomatic and maybe shocking answers and explanations, he told me that he is searching for love with an innocent future boyfriend, I told him you can't search for love but you can enjoy your life, have sex, make friends and love will knock your door if you are lucky enough.... Give me a break and get over yourself PERIOD!

After 2 days, He invited me over at his place, he cooked lasagna and steak for lunch and chocolate pudding for desert, we dined downstairs in the dinning room, the food was surprisingly good until he imitated Martha Stewart while he is decorating the pudding with Maltesers saying "and now it’s time to put my little pearls" so I lost my appetite!
We went to watch "Le Fabuleux Destin D’Amélie Poulain" movie which we didn't continue as he wasn't that interested in watching so he switched to "mean girls" movie on MBC2, not the movie I expected to watch on a date but anyway it's always fun to watch that movie and it made me discover that he likes the girls' boobs and that he wants to try to have a girlfriend and that he wants to have a family!!!!
Anyway, I knew that it won't work so I thought of sleeping with him and turn him into a number among the numbers which he was afraid of & keen to know! And there it was, the big surprise, he has a small dick, he wanted to bareback me, I refused so it went soft and he was a top wannabe! No kissing as he thinks it is too personal! and he melted down as soon as my finger conquered his love tunnel!

Donc c’est fini! We(me and my cock) wanted different things and he hated my Agnosticism, so from now on no more " new" guys for me and no more guys who suffer from religious issues!

Newton once said, if two bodies interact, their forces are equal in magnitude and opposite in direction!

Welcome to my fucked-up world! Part II

“Encore des mots toujours des mots les mêmes mots
Rien que des mots
Des mots faciles des mots fragiles c'était trop beau
Bien trop beau

Mais c'est fini le temps des rêves!”

...Just had a usual fight with my parents about praying staying-up late, going out every night and the curfew so I decided to take a relaxing bath after finishing the lame cliché fight, opened the water, sat in the tab, lit a cigarette and let my thoughts flow but I couldn't help but remember that I last had a similar bath was with Mr. B when we spent that night at the hotel where I was holding a joint in my hand instead, a lustlicious vodka drink in the other hand and playing somewhere with my foot. The water drops over my head couldn't awake me to notice that the tab is more than full by now, I closed the water, turned my mood-setting songs on and lit another fag!
The son of a bitch was at his best mood over that night, he was so comfortable with me, most of the time he was the one who was running the conversation for a change, he told me about his life, how he was and he turned into, the name of psychological drugs that were prescribed to him (it was my 1st time to know about the drugs thing that night), how he was a coke addict back at the states, the depression that led him to think of committing suicide-no wonder he hates commitment lol-how he hated getting back to Egypt and not using his scholarship and how that increased his depression and arose the other shifty issues. B was so lovely that night, he was like a tempting BMW car, once you drive it , you will be mesmerized by how smooth, comfortable and Easy it is! Yes, I did nothing but getting in the gorgeous car and drive furiously but unfortunately I realized too late that it had no brakes!

I got dressed and went to meet my dear LEO Jordanian friend whom I haven't seen for along time, we met at my favorite restaurant in Zamalek though the weather wasn't encouraging but Thanks to ACs that evil fake invention I was there waiting him and as soon as he arrived, we had our "catch-up" then we had the juicy gossips for appetizer and of course Mr. B was the main dish and speaking of the devil, he called me few minutes later after we finished the dish, I wasn't that surprised because we were supposed to meet up few days ago, anyway it was the usual conversation that always ends-up of not meeting up as he calls in the end of the day so I can't meet him as I already made my plans and we hung-up by a promise to call each-others the next day to arrange something, so Mr. B is back again on the table, I talked more about him to my friend, he in turn asked me some questions which I already have/can't no answers to then I ended-up with the decision of calling him the next day and give him his very last chance which he couldn't receive as he didn't pick-up or call back....!

Now I finally decided to pull the hand brakes as I realized that the Prada airbags won't save me from crashing with my illusions that lasted more than 4 months in this unidentified relationship!

...proceed to part III

Welcome to my fucked-up world!

Do I always get attracted to the wrong guys? Do I really have commitment issues? Do I ask too much from one guy? And is it true that not good-looking people get married-whatever the commitment is-more than the good-looking one as they don't seek perfection?

.....Playing with my hair, smoking my favorite cigarette, reflecting, trying to remember guys I've met/done in the past two years, the crushes, the stalkers, the sexual crushes, the dating disasters, the assholes, the wannabes, the awesome one nightstands, the perfect fuck buddies and the unidentified relationships. But I could only concentrate & talk now about the last four guys!

B. is a decent, classy, bisexual-oh really?!-, around my age, shares the same mentality, quite sexy but psycho! What was I doing?! How am I still talking to him?! How would any sane guy date someone who is on about four psychological medicaments? How did I bare his crappy mood-swings, his shitty chronic bipolarity, his personality disorders, his inability to sexually perform without being stoned or drunk and and...?! Was it the guilty feelings of letting him down that kept haunting me whenever I decide to leave him alone with his issues that he can't change? Yes, I had the extremely desperate hope that he will change one day and appreciate that I was
there for him, that pretty future image which was giving me some faith but apparently the image
was like a fake fabulous "Prada" bag which was shiny from outside but "Nada" from inside!

It's just I can't! I really don't know how to detach myself! I spent a lot of time in this
unidentified relationship, a lot of bed sheets, an awesome night together in the hotel and
definitely huge effort to turn him from someone who doesn't even kiss to someone who tops the
rimming job and from someone who wasn't aware of how things work in our special world to someone who is aware enough now to be Mr.right for anyone else! and they call me impatient!
Writing the previous lines, made me figured out that lately I'm a magnet to the guys who are
new into the gay world!

Anyway, these were just some thoughts that ran through my head lately in the occasion of
celebrating myself for being single for 2 years by the next Sunday(July the 13th)!

Go to part two

Graphics by: Mazin A.Jeffery