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All the names that are mentioned in my posts are totally fake but they are related in a way to the real person's identity, so you do the maths!

Sunday, October 17, 2010

Ich habe keine Geduld!

I feel that for my entire life, I've always been running in some kind of a mental marathon and I've rarely caught my breath. I keep running away from the past, pushing the present and running so fast to the future. Running against social norms and violating them. Running against livid states of body, running against useless emotions, running over my demons, running into nihilistic states of mind. Running into denial, running away from denial, running away from my mother's sheer pressure, running away from my father's passive aggression, running away from psychological clichés, running into dehumanizing, running with an agenda, running to scheming, plotting and manipulating. Running with questions, running for answers, running with snide sarcasm. Running over thorns to get my roses. Running away from gray zones, preconceptions and prejudice. Running far beyond my limits, my age, my maturity and my perception. Running to perfection, running away from the void, emptiness, living bubbles. Running away from my ivory tower.

I feel that my body is trapped in the present while my mind is in the future and my soul keeps going back and forth, sometimes it stays in a twilight zone and sometimes it goes in a different tense of time that I'm not sure how to explain but it's more like an oblivion or a parallel world!

I also feel that I push others to run when they cover up their failures by their self-claimed mental disabilities. Also When they think they can't keep up running with me, when they get intimidated, when they run back to their cocoons, when they inhibit their inner whore, when they are not cavalier about love and sex. When they are a Freudian nightmare, when they cling into norms, when they make a whole gay parade out of it. When they think they are right, when they think they are wrong. When I see right through them and when they no longer challenge me.

But the worst thing is to stop running, you feel empty and maybe that's how we get asphyxiated and the after-life is just the complete void that you keep running away from!

So shall I stop or shall you stop me? Or Who should stop whom?

P.S I already have two unfinished posts in draft but I don't know what happened that made my thoughts flow smoothly into writing this post, but I like it when this kind of inspiration happens randomly!