You've been notified!

All the names that are mentioned in my posts are totally fake but they are related in a way to the real person's identity, so you do the maths!

Monday, June 22, 2009

Sigmund Freud, ANALyze this!

Oh ice why do you always cross paths with such people who give mixed messages and are not that frank about their feelings, is it the sign of the century or people just think they are too good to admit they are into someone beats the hell out of me but hoping you would meet someone who knows what he wants and are not afraid of going after it.
Until then drop Stud till he knows what he wants!
Sou-One-Canobee, a dear blog reader's comment on my last post

My blog is almost one year old(that's why I gave her that brand-spanking new outfit ;)) , I quickly ran through my old posts and it's got me; I've a pattern of my own! I wondered If I really meet the same guy all over again every time? Do players/guys change but the game is always the same with me? Do I think that I always see the right flags, but in the end after long time those flags turn red and I see the guy's true colours? And If I really do have a pattern of my own, What would I do to break it; Try some out-of-my-fav-league-guys on? But what if this new league will be a league of morons, will I afford that change? will I be able to restore my very old pattern? Or Should I've a détente and not to have any pattern? But can we live without patterns, no matter how hard we try not to have one?

Apparently my pattern is very obvious to people around me, I either like the "new-guy-who-just-came-out-to-dating-websites-&-gay-life" or the "traveller" guys! Well the first type of guys usually attracts me more donno why, maybe cuz they are new or that they are pure or they are usually sexy but on the other hand, I usually attract them like a magnet; most of my new contacts on MSN are of this kind of guys! I guess I explained them enough via my posts about Mr.B & Ibby for example and they always wreck it in the end!
Meanwhile, the "traveller" guys usually make me fall into the sex haze; you know where the sex is really great and you start acting like a crazy person then you start to imagine that the relationship is something it's not!

But is it only that I like the wrong guys or I've some issues of my own that I don't know about? Did I unintentionally wreck the relationship with some of the guys I've been seeing/dating? Was I wrong when I always figured out that the reason behind the failure is either their issues or external factors? Am I high maintenance? Do I scare them off by my experience and how somehow out I'm? Am I awfully picky person? Do I always find a reason to break thing up? Am I philophobic?

I've been single for almost 3 years now and I've figured out that I really can't maintain having a relationship; I'm not independent enough for the 25-35 guys and I'm way mature for the guys around my age! So I guess I should work on the very long-termed relationship I've been having for 3 years now; me & myself!

Sunday, June 7, 2009

He's just not yet inside of me!

It was Thursday, I was so bored I could die, almost everyone is outside Cairo, there wasn't any party in the corner, so I thought it's just about time to go on a date with that "Str8 acting" guy who made an appearance on my MSN after long time of being offline! So I called him, he had another call, I hanged up and waited for him to call back but he didn't! So I didn't bother and called Jovee to meet him up for some drinks in down town with his friends.

In a moment in between drinking and discussing Obama's speech; the "stud du jour" called me, he said that he's going to call me this weekend but I didn't give it much attention donno why, he said that he'll be around my part of the city in a while and was checking what I'm up to! I told him that am going back to one of Jovee's friend's place so I'll be waiting there until he arrives. And just right after I hanged up; my "Str8 acting" guy called and asked where I'm and what I'm up to, so I told him the same though I wasn't that keen to meet him!
so I made it to Jovee's friend's place, fixed myself a drink and was starting to enjoy it when stud du jour called me announcing his arrival to our meeting point, I told him that I'll be there after 5 minutes and excused from Jovee and his friends. While driving to our meeting point, I could only think about how invincible my self-confidence became; I was so surprised of myself, few years ago If I was about to meet someone who is too hot for me like stud du jour, I get nervous, uncomfortable and anxious as if I was wearing Tawheed Wal Noor in a room full of Chanel, but now it got totally different though I'm pretty much still physically the same so I could help but wonder what have changed? Is it the not-expecting-anything? or my experience over the past 5-6 years? or the very known fact about me that I always get what I want no matter how long it takes me?! How far invincible would my self-confidence get? Isn't it a slope that is too slippery without boundaries?!....BAAAM I drove in the wrong direction and the officers,who were blurry shaped for me right now when I landed my eyes on him, took my driving license and registration paper and I was determined to pay 70 pounds in the station by Saturday!

I parked and got inside his car, we talked while he was wandering by the car then he asked me If I'd like to join him & his friends on the birthday party of his ex.boyfriend, he mentioned his friends' names, I know some of them and S was already there so I couldn't find a reason not to join him although I didn't quite digest the idea of meeting his friends while we've just met, and oh don't get me start talking about the idea of attending his ex.BF's birthday party! I never understood the "becoming friends" illusion, I just don't have the patience to clean up more and more mess after getting over an ex.BF and moving on but is it true what some people say? that keeping a reasonable friendly level of communication after breaking up where you can look in the face of an ex and talk to him/her without feeling a grain of love or hate, it's then you know it's really over?!

His friends had been really drinking their asses off, they were so sweet and funny especially his ex who I've always perceived that he is cold and stuck up but I LOVED the drunk ex of him although I got bored very quickly because I got more sober minute by minute, stud also was getting bored for the very same reason and when I thought the boredom would get any further, S took stud aside and then he came back to me saying that stud is not interested! I was like "WTF?! How could u do so? What was the conversation about?!" then S told me that he said he's not interested and out of the blue I found S grabbing me and confronting me with stud to let us talk and see if we were interested or not!!! I felt so embarrassed and would have killed S right there If I didn't know that he was wasted, that's typical drunk S; saying the politically incorrect words with the wrong people in the very bad time!
So before I'd become cruella de ville, I felt it was time to call it a night!

In my way back home, I kept narrating in my head what S had told me as I didn't get any negative vibe or message from stud's side and I always trust my instincts so I just disregarded what he had said and threw it away just when I was brushing my teeth and taking my contacts off; stud was calling me! I didn't expect that he'd call so I waited a little bit before picking up, we said the regular Hellos and he said that he was calling to check on and see if I got back home one piece! It was so sweet of him but what does that mean? the ball in my court or something? I'm the one who will have to make the next move? I never liked this kind of politics and I already know that this is not going anywhere further than sex and maybe friends, so why the whole mixed vibes and messages?
Is he just not that into me or is he just not inside of me yet? This is the question!

Tuesday, June 2, 2009

Too much information!

Okay, S knew how to take some answers out of me in an interview which he just posted on his blog!
Check it out and tell me what do you think =)