You only see what your eyes want to see
How can life be what you want it to be
You are frozen
When your heart is not open
I miss being young and naive kid in my "Being Straight" coma/closet, I miss being honest and frank to my parents about a whole bunch of things, I miss my preparatory and high school era, my very close friends at that time who I used to treat as lovers and never found out an explanation for that weird attachment to them which proves to me everyday that I was born gay!
I miss those days when I came out to myself and started meeting up with guys though most of them were trashy and dragged me to the fugly and mentally challenged gay gatherings but I guess we all had to pass through that "new fish in gatherings' pool" phase!
I miss being less mature, innocent, know nothing about life and having very few things to fuck-up my brain with! I miss André my Italian guarding angel who I used to date during Grade 12, having my SATs and caring less about how do I look and what I should wear, miss running to his comforting warm hug whenever I dramatically fight with my parents, miss his capturing eyes and very relaxing cuddle..I just miss having him in my life, giving me the unique safe feeling that no guy ever managed to provide!
I miss those cheesy heart beats when I decided to come out to my close heterosexual friends, the very awkward male reaction, the very cheerful female reaction but they still love and am very thankful to have them in my life as they always help and support me through a lot of things cause they have a different non-gay point of view which made me see things from a different perspective.
I miss my grand parents and still can't enjoy any social occasion since they are gone, miss going to their place on the first day of holy feasts, hearing them blaming me for paying them rare visits....If only I had a time machine!
I miss my days with my ex.BF, miss being in a relationship, miss being between Mr.B's arms, miss tanning my ass out in front of the nile view of Hyatt's pool with "S" my LEO crush, miss being worshiped and desired by Taleeto my Saudi prince charming, miss being with Andy on bed having sex on the Romanian style making me explore my deepest fetishes and fantasies, miss being in jacuzzi of that actor's exotic apartment and surprisingly being so myself around him with great self-confidence....!
I miss being less social and not having many foreigner friends who are meant to leave my life one day and break my heart....Yes! the Ice Queen has feelings pumped from a cold heart chambers!
Anyway I feel like am 99 years old after writing all of that and for the record, happy belated birthday Ezzie!