Self-stung?

My poisonous nature is eating me inside-out and poisoning everyone around me.
Why do I keep pushing limits? What draws the line between seriousness & fun?
Is it normal to “over-dose” your friends?
Beating yourself up is self-criticism?
I don’t like criticism, especially constructive ones. Do you think I don’t know my flaws already?
Does our fear of not belonging anywhere that make us stuck with wrong choices?
What you see as desperation for your acceptance is nothing but my trials for possessing you.
Why do I keep going after it although I know that once I’ll have, I won’t like it and that it’s not like how it appeals from the outside
How I didn’t notice all that time that being popular is different than being social?
What is identity?
Social mistakes are pricey?
People don’t like it when you see right through them and reveal their inner fears & weaknesses.
Why the intimidation?
Why buttering up & sweet-coating?
There is a difference between wanting something and needing something.
Guilt is the number one negative chi producer. You let that fester, it will age you.
Am I self-fellating my own curse?
To really know someone is to have loved and hated him in turn?
The beginning of love is to let those we love be perfectly themselves, and not to twist them to fit our own image. Otherwise we love only the reflection of ourselves we find in them.
Please don't mistake my anal retentiveness for actual affection.
Do you get exhausted too from yourself sometimes? All that plotting, scheming & venom becomes wearisome at some point, no?
Switching & channeling your emotions, thoughts, desires & projections between different biospheres or even same biosphere, kills your brain cells & your soul gradually?
Your holier-than-thou attitude brings the worst in me!
When will you ever take off your judgmental blinder and stop being some kind of a moral paragon for once?
Did it ever occur to you that maybe it's you who needs me to be angry at you?
Social butterflies are twisted schizoids.
It's not always rainbows and butterflies, it's compromise that moves us along?
People may compromise/adapt but not change.

I don't have to make any sense to you...!

Pop! Six! Squish! Uh uh, Cicero, Lipschitz!

There comes a time when you have to do something to change your scenery, your life's tone & tempo. When you feel that you had seen it, done it, touched it, dropped it, had it, tried it, eaten it, loved it, fucked it, heard it, played it, drunk it, danced it, bought it, read it, sampled it, discussed it, worked it, been there! When all that sex desensitizes you after a while and you start needing more and more kinkiness to get off; Bondage, discipline, role playing, masochistic behavior, erotic asphyxiation, voyeurism...anything, just anything to keep upping the ante!

When that kind of monotony hits me, usually I do one of the upping tricks that I just mentioned or I change my pictures on the online dating websites or I check what/who I've been putting on the shelves. But this time nothing of that upped it, so when I was stoned(my new addiction), I spermed a thought of trying something new & different; changing my whole online identity! I uploaded pictures that I didn't use before, showed my face, changed text, just added "Moroccan new in town" and the magic started. I was reignited, it was like a bucket of gasoline! Those websites put witness protection program to shame!
Since identity of one changes with how one perceives reality, and since am half Moroccan after all, it was so easy to sell this identity to people online and approach the whole "discreet-only-into-foreigners" type of guys!

It was like a circus & different types of freaks are approaching you; It started by the young sexually-insecure guys who are top only, think this sophomoric act is charming, are fighting to keep their status as cock of the walk and who would create a relationship with you out of mere physical heat!
Then the whole "Egybtion Ztyle" & "Straight masseur" guys approach you and those are the funniest of them all, the "Egybtion" ones usually find their way around with their maybe sole asset of showing the "tourist" around, taking him to authentic erotic places, giving him the modern "The White queen and The Nubian boy" fantasy..etc while the "Masseur" is anything but subtle! He says he is straight, only into massage and wants to make friends but surprisingly, he puts his dick size & role information and it's important for him to know if you are top or bottom & how large is your cock in order for him to be your friend!

Then the unapproachable ones of all approach you! The "Discreet-only-into-foreigners" guys! You wouldn't believe the measures they'd take to maintain their discreet-state. Many of them are placing their profiles abroad & they contact the people they like in Egypt, most of them are usually into blind dates or they'd show themselves on webcam only and wouldn't show you their pictures, they would even call you from different anonymous numbers and would never give you their number, they tend to get schizophrenic when you tackle sexuality or religion topics and of course they are usually very WHOREny and ready to do you even if you are out of their favorite age range!
Would you believe that a discreet Belgian guy-with no pics in his profile of course-contacted me cuz he wants to have a "discreet" fun when he comes to Egypt? And a French guy who works in Dubai & wanna visit Egypt, he contacts me cuz I'm Moroccan/Francophone? Do you think what I did would become a trend? like this guy is saying on his profile's headline "im new here anyone wanna be my guide ;)" even though he's been in Egypt before I even knew that I'm into men!
Anyway the trick is to know that identity is theft of the self, so you'd better be cautious!