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All the names that are mentioned in my posts are totally fake but they are related in a way to the real person's identity, so you do the maths!

Wednesday, August 4, 2010

In a search for a sanctuary

I don't really know what I'm supposed to feel right now. Is anger what I'm feeling right now? Or is it depression? or being clueless? or just plain sadness? And if it's any of that, who or what should I be feeling that at/about?
Psychology says that when you lack empathy and don't know what emotion you are feeling or should be feeling then you are a psychopath. So, am I one?
They say that psychopathy can get a bad rap. it doesn't necessarily mean you are violent. Just that you're completely without conscience, you lack any normal emotion, you manipulate everyone around you, you're promiscuous and you lie pathologically.

What am I supposed to do when I feel clueless? when I'm trying so hard to get a travel permit to leave the country just for two weeks to celebrate my anniversary with my better half but the military authorities make it harder and harder for me, no matter how hard I try! And just because they have more power over you, they abuse it to feel superior or to feel a pathetic sense of self-worth. I wish that just once people wouldn't patronizingly act like the clichés that they are!
I mean what's the worst thing that would happen? that I'd leave, never come back and skip my ridiculous army nonsense service? Even if that happened, so what?! Why do they give a fuck! We are a population of 80 million, what will tragically happen if one or two or even a million guy left and skipped their obligatory service? They already can skip the service even without leaving the country, so it's not logical at all what they are doing!

And it even pisses me off more when people think they can control your life just because they have bigger power over you. If you are living in a third world country that is ruled by the army then all military authorities have more power over you. If you are living in a country that's not secular then all men of religion have a power over you. Well, fuck you all! You all need to understand that you can't control things. Nobody can. There's only one thing that's certain; Everything changes.

I'm not blowing this out of proportion and I'm not acting like a drama queen. I'm just so pissed right now. I wish I can just get upset without having to focus on what's really making me upset! ARGHH!@#*^%$^!


  1. probably the best thing u've ever written there...hang in there...and stay focused!

  2. Thank u! I really appreciate ur comment! =)

  3. Hi... I actually stumbled upon this blog there is noway i would ever be reading this... not in a bad way but I'm glad I found it! You sound real familar... mmm :s But I'll be reading more often eshta

  4. So how did u stumble upon it? =D

  5. Well I was looking for a quote... and this poped up! and I read every blog entry woooooow! I want to keep reading more, keeping writing :] Do you have a facebook?

  6. haha that's very odd! =D
    u can email me on

  7. okay but i don't think your him :s but i still like your blog :D and ahh i'm a girl

  8. reading this I'm glad for 2 things. one, I was born in Jordan(الخدمة بس ثلاث شهور).and two, I was born in 1988(معي اعفاء من الخدمة) :)

    love u babe ;)

  9. Lol I was born in 1988 too, I wish I was Jordanian then! =P
    Well, I'm still studying so I won't do the army service before a year at least and this was not the case with the Army authority to give me the permission. They just make it hard for u in ur final studying years just in case u want to escape before ur army time =D


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