Are we literally gay?

My milkshake brings all the boys to the yard,
And their like It's better than yours,
Damn right it's better than yours,
I can teach you,
But I have to charge

In a public bus after LONG time of not approaching, going back home from college, it's cute to bounce between levels, yesterday was driving back home and today I trapped myself inside the overloaded bus, some people were fighting as usual in the back of the vehicle, a lady who is over-watching the human wolves around her so as not to get her "fabulous" body sexually harassed, a batwoman reading Qura'n, a herming man cursed the government as soon as he saw the central security forces standing/waiting in front of the university and started storytelling his exaggerated couragement/adventures in front of Nahhas Pasha!

I wanted to isolate myself from al the this noise/actions, tried to sneak a peek of that newspaper with the gentleman in the front chair, interesting interview with that brave girl who sued a guy who sexually harassed her in the street, couldn't continue reading that capturing interview as the gentleman's reaction towards it was not as mine in any tiny way, a page had to be turned so a blog post had to be written!

I couldn't help but steam out those thoughts am having recently and there was nothing better to isolate myself from the current surroundings than writing......

How far would you go to land in "trés content" island? You can easily spot the crave for happyness any where anytime; in the eyes of a mother who is fixing her daughter's wedding veil, fluffing her dress and telling her no woman ever been that beautiful! In the couragement of Salomon fish to travel from seas to rivers regardless all the risks just to meet-up with his beloved ones and mate! In the controversy of the male Seahorse to undergo a pregnancy look-like process by carrying the developing babies in a non-uterine pouch in the front of their bodies where the female seahorse implanted her eggs so that the male can fertilises them internally and carries them to term just to be a father!

But we the gays who are supposed to be "happy" as how our "label" is defined in all bloody dictionaries, are we literally gay? Don't you get bored of living a double and maybe triple lives? Isn't it unfair that we suffer due to a lot of things like unacceptance for instance? Even in the most civilized countries, many parents wish to have heterosexual kids as they want them to be "Happy"!

.....26th of October, 12AM in my car somewhere in Maadi, a joint in my hand, receiving sweet calls and SMSs wishing me a fabulous birthday, looking at Jovee with lust in the passenger's seat, got distracted by his fugly new hair-cut, I always told him never to go to Egyptian hairdresser if you have long hair that needs to be trimmed, teased him and said that I won't allow his existance in my birthday party next thursday if his hair didn't grow any longer, he replied that he won't be able to attend it anyway as it will be his sister's engagement party that night and wondered if I could postpone it to Friday if I like/want him to be there with me on that night! I drove him back home and kept thinking about the whole issue in my way back home.

Is he worth it? I definitely won't make a big deal out of postponing my birthday as Thursday won't differ that much from Friday, but I was seeing it from a different perspective; Is Jovee worth any effort from me after all the hints he mentioned the last time we met? He is so not looking for any relationship! He even wanted to hook me up with someone for god's sake!

What's wrong with me? almost all my friends are against this relationship saying that I deserve someone better, that I can do much better and things of this kind!....If only they could see what i'm seeing/feeling? but why I still want to work on this relationship though 80% it's going nowhere and though all my gay 6th senses proved all of that before it even starts?!

I decided to stop talking or thinking about it with him, myself and anyone until further notice! And my birthday party will be on Thursday as it is planned to be! See you there at Cairo Jazz Club!