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All the names that are mentioned in my posts are totally fake but they are related in a way to the real person's identity, so you do the maths!

Thursday, March 12, 2009

Random Thoughts

I've been so bored recently and strayed with my thoughts. Random ones about life, friends, future and many other things, my life became so routine these days; college in the morning then having a nap at home then watching TV or playing on the PC then the day repeats itself all over again in the next day until the weekend when I hang out with friends but even going out became so boring; there is no where new to go to, nothing new to do, it's either private home parties or this bar or that restaurant!
I really need a break and TRAVEL, seeing new faces, changing the scene, being laid back from home and stress...just nothing to inhibit me. Only me, the sea & fresh air, but I can't even have that; I'll have to tell more and more new lies to my mother and even if I told her the perfect lie(which I easily do lol), I'll be worried about the suspicions that are going on in her mind now after she knew about me...shall I ask my therapist to help me out with that?

Speaking of therapy, I've been diagnosed that I suffer from loneliness, lack of emotional expression(or more specifically, choosing not to), getting around my problems by avoiding to confront or argue & doing what I want in the end via the wrong path, huge rebelling & furious energy trapped inside me behind the curtain of my calming cold nature & mask-like face.
Well, it is true on many levels and it made me discover myself more & more although I disagree about some points.
I'm really loving the therapy, I look forward to every week's session and enjoy talking with my therapist, but have I became a case study? A guy from reuters contacted me months ago to get some information, I've been interviewed by a friend of mine for her masters about the gay community in Egypt(the first big research about that in Egypt & Middle East), I've also been interviewed by a blog reader for her school research, and now another friend wants me to be his case study for his anthropology PHD which is more about homosexuality in Egypt!
I really like to speak out and try to change the tragic stereotype in Egypt about homosexuals but is it that worth it? Has homosexuality became the "It" topic nowadays with the rareness of guys who would speak out(my friend got very disappointed in many guys who refused to speak although they know her very well especially that she has been in the gay scene for 2 years before starting the field work!)?!

Alexandrie anyone?


  1. Another brick in the gay wallMarch 12, 2009 at 1:03 PM

    hmmmm ...
    I can say that you adopted the therapist's diagnosis (that u feel lonly ,emotional deprived ,kinda bored , doing wrong stuff now and then .... etc etc )

    but who am I to judge? It's what I can tell from reading the post though ..

    So, according to my modest diagnosis :-D

    CHEEEEEEER UP DUDE , it's not really U !


  2. You maybe true, but No; I don't believe many things he says/diagnoses and I always prove him wrong and leave him speechless.

    Thank u for ur comment =)

  3. i think you need to sort your own issues out first. i've had people wanting to interview me for stuff like that too but now i just say no. i don't think its helpful to me for MY story to become THEIR story. at least not at the moment. It is definitely an 'it' topic. but you are an individual. unique. Don't do anything that will make u feel like a mere stereotype. coz you're so much more than that x

  4. Does your therapist think it's okay to be gay? Or are you going to him just to please your parents who think that therapist shall be able to cure you of your 'disease'? If it's the latter, then be careful.

    As a researcher in the field of history, I have been using oral history, which involves my meeting older people and discussing their pasts. I, personally, treat each and every person I meet as a unique individual with their own specific story. I would hate to stereotype them - although, you must know that, inherently, all sorts of unique individuals tend to fall into different classifications.

    Point I am making is that if you trust the researcher who is asking for your input and you believe that they shall use your case in a good way that serves your identity, your homosexuality and what you believe in, then why not...

  5. Anonymous:
    Thank you for your sweet comment but I don't feel like a stereotype when I get interviewed, I just had a thought that I sound like a case study u know

    I'm not really sure of what my therapist truly thinks, he has nothing against gays but in same time he wants me to reach balance in everything. Part of me going there is to please my parents but still i've more issues than that, so the therapy will help me with my other issues =)

    I do trust the researcher and know that they are using my case in a good way, otherwise I wouldn't have agreed to deal with them...but as I said, it was just a thought of sounding like a case study.

    Thank you dear for ur comment, waiting you to pay more visits here =*

  6. Have I told you before about my married friend who used to go to her shrink only to talk and "stress out"? All what she needed (my friend) was to find someone she could talk to about the unspeakable, which was her extra maritial relationship.

    So, I can understand how you find your sessions a good chance to say what you can not otherwise say anywhere else (except in your blog maybe!)

    And by the way, we are all "case studies" no matter how normal we might look in someones'eyes!

  7. I really like the fact that you are enjoying your therapy i have been thinking of actually going to one myself but do not know if i will go through it or not. I am glad someone is working on changing the horrible stereotyping we have here it makes me stomach turns sometimes

  8. Rose:
    I really loved ur comment =) You summarized what I'm trying to say!

    Hehe yeah stereotype el saraya el safra lol
    Wanna my Dr's number? I should take money from him lol a friend already went to him and some others r thinking about it!

  9. I think you are a case study as far as the public is concerned. You live among a population where the majority firmly believes that homosexuality is a disease. It's rare to see someone who is willing to speak about his/her sexual orientation in Egypt. The PhD paper about anthropology sounds very interesting though.

    On a personal note, I don't believe anyone has the right to judge who has sex with who or how it's done. All people should be able to live freely, regardless of sexual orientation. Best of luck to you.

  10. Thank u 4 ur nice comment! =)

    Hope 2 c u again!

  11. Hope the therapy goes well with you.
    Good luck


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