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All the names that are mentioned in my posts are totally fake but they are related in a way to the real person's identity, so you do the maths!

Thursday, November 11, 2010

Gayja-vu?

"So tell you what? We're gonna forget about Mr. Huxley today and we're gonna talk about fear. Fear, after all, is our real enemy. Fear is taking over our world. Fear is being used as a tool of manipulation in our society. It's how politicians peddle policy. It's how Madison Avenue sells us things that we don't need. Think about it. Fear of being attacked. Fear of that there are communists lurking around every corner. Fear of that some little Caribbean country that doesn't believe in our way of life poses a threat to us. Fear that black culture may take over the world. Fear of Elvis Presley's hips. Actually, maybe that one is a real fear. Fear that our bad breath might ruin our friendships. Fear of growing old and being alone. The of that we're useless and that no one cares what we have to say."
Prof. George Huxley - "A single man" movie


After watching this outstanding movie, this particular quote moved me a lot. I related to it and felt that it spoke to me, I actually wrote about fear in my very first blog post!
We all live in fear indeed! But it's not only about what we are afraid of, I believe it's more about our inner fears. No matter how well we hide them and how much we want to believe that there is nothing out there to fear! We all get into "fear" episodes every now and then; Fear that one of the gay-affiliated places in Egypt would turn into another "Queen boat" fiasco. Fear that one day the country's regime would drive you into seeking asylum in an European/Western country. Fear that one day you'd get arrested because I'm a homosexual blogger. Fear of self-loathing homosexuals even more than homophobes. Fear that blogs like mine and yours would be blamed by closeted-cases for spotting the light on homosexuals in Egypt. Fear that my blog would be some kind of a self-documentary that I'd hate one day. Fear that others unreason you in order to safeguard their own idea of reality. The Fear of both atheists and believers that their belief could be just an Utopian escape/denial from reality. Fear that my parents would know about my atheism. Fear that Salafism would become the norm!

Fear that you're too narcissistic that you'd turn yourself on. Fear of the truth that you could be too much of a whore. Fear that your eyes would squint instead of rolling back in your head while orgazming. Fear of losing your sexual stamina. Fear that you were just caught up in the moment and it meant more to you than the other person. Fear that others don't see hickeys sexy and aphrodisiac but rather unclassy and cheap. Fear of HIV!
Fear that you might have messiah complex but you don't know it yet, and this explains all the corrupted guys you have dated. Fear of love to the extent that it takes you some time to truly believe that you are in love. Fear that you'd miss your single life although you are in a healthy relationship. Fear that your bf would easily leave you. Fear that you'd screw up your relationship because you are too self absorbed to put yourself in anyone else's shoes. Fear that you would suffocate your better half with your draining love. Fear that you'd get sexually bored of your bf. Fear that your mood swings would become so severe to the extent that you'd swing out of love. Fear that you lose the one you love because of reasons beyond you and him. Fear that a feisty Pisces would bite off your Scorpio tail and head one day!

Fear that you won't attend a Madonna's concert before you die or she quits, whichever is sooner. Fear that you're really as stereotypical as everybody else. Fear of not belonging. Fear of not liking it if you belonged. Fear of feeling so left out. Fear of losing control. Fear that things don't end up the way you want. Fear of making no sense. Fear of making too much sense. Fear of letting go. Fear of losing your possessions. Fear that even your thoughts would be judged. Fear of rather being good than happy. Fear that you're not as good or evil as people give you credit for. Fear that you would no longer differentiate between sins and evil. Fear that you would no longer be able to quiet that voice in your head that keeps saying "maybe I shouldn't!". Fear that you would get completely startled and donno what to say. Fear that you reduce to hysterics under the slightest bit of stress. Fear that you'd become so anti-social that the bathroom of any party/place would be your only sanctuary. Fear that people just make different choices but in the end life is all hard for us. Fear that you may be subconsciously pushing your friends into ending their friendship with you. Fear that everything and everyone in your life could be just a toy whether sexual or emotional or friendlish one..etc and you keep changing them or swinging from one to another then destroying it. Fear of cutting your hand not to die but to erase your inner pain by physically outing it to the world. Fear of self destruction...!

The amount of fears varies and that's how our personalities are shaped and how our inhibitions & repressions are made up, but what calm down your fears is your friends, your beloved one or maybe your psychiatrist and sometimes your drug of choice!

9 comments:

  1. *finger snaps*
    I swear I could hear you in my head narrating this whole post, it was amazing.
    I expecially liked the "fear of your thoughts being judged" and "bathroom of any party/place would be
    Your sanctuary". You're a brave brave sole, write on! *fist in the air*

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  2. I don't know you, and I came across your blog as I was googling mine * so narcissistic I know*... I have only read a couple of your posts and I am addicted to it already... and I think what clams us down too is writing about our fears in our blogs, knowing that someone out there might relate to it, might share our fears and anxieties, knowing that we are not the only crazy paranoid oppressed people out there...
    I take my hate off to you Ice Queer... Your blog is one of a kind...

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  3. Michael, ur comment made my day! =)
    Thanks a lot

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  4. I absolutely loved it!! it's so genuine and honest!!
    Most of these questions i have in my head and i LOVE that movie :)
    chapeau

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  5. I like and relate... and I want to watch that movie!!!!

    It's menna btw

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  6. Like, relate and I want to watch that movie!!!

    It's Menna btw

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  7. Jess & Menna I'm glad u liked it! =)

    (Confessions of me, if u r still checking this post I wanted to tell u that blogger marked ur comment as spam lol and I only noticed it now so I marked it "not spam" but I donno where did it go!)

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  8. This post brought tears to my eyes, I can relate 100% to it.
    I must say that this post was one of the best posts you've ever posted.
    I'm a silent reader and I never commented before, but I couldn't hold myself anymore, I had to comment.
    This is truely a piece of art.

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  9. Thank u :) this means a lot 2 me

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