You've been notified!

All the names that are mentioned in my posts are totally fake but they are related in a way to the real person's identity, so you do the maths!

Sunday, January 9, 2011


It's been so long since I last wrote something. Sometimes I write down random thoughts that cross my mind, sometimes I visualize a post in my head but I don't get inspired enough to fully write it on my blog. I used to be more private about what goes on on my mind in order not to freak people out or provoke them but in the last couple of years I became more and more open about expressing my mind & my emotions to my friends and specially my boyfriend to the extent that a blog doesn't make it for me anymore. It does no longer satisfy my sick urge to break and push people's limit to the extreme.

I'm looking now into this (700 x 340 pixel) box where me & my alter-ego are supposed to type what we want to express to the whole virtual world, although the box can expand with words as much as I want but I've a feeling that I grew out of it. I can't expand with it and it won't respond back, it's too submissive, it doesn't challenge me enough and no matter how much it expands, I can still feel its lame limits.
It doesn't bond with me like how Snow in Vienna did! It's not that cold, calm, powerful, shiny and Icy. But even though I connected with the snowy nature and had my lovely boyfriend with me, there was always an itching feeling that there is something missing; sometimes it itched me in the shape of my friends back in Cairo, sometimes it itched as homesickness, sometimes it itched as missing challenges when it was so easy to get anyone I want in the club or sexclub or sauna or online with no chase or the need to communicate verbally.
I got so confused with those mixed feelings, itches and the idea of moving to Europe. I felt like I'm in a state of limbo and wondered If one wakes up at a different time, in a different place, could one wakes up as a different person?

There I was, enjoying(slightly abusing) the near-perfect European life standards so why I was missing grumpy old Cairo? The idea of "Identity of one changes with how one perceives reality" made me realize that it took me loads of time and effort to reach a certain belonging to Egypt/Cairo as a living life and that I'm not sure if I can go through this whole process again somewhere else. It will be like building my whole life all over again? I'm very satisfied now with my boyfriend, my close friends and how my life is going in Egypt. I can make it better in the future for sure but I'm not sure if I'll be able to switch off, restart and then switch on in a different place!

But then again the "Living in limbo is better than dying in jail?" question and the idea that at some point my bf will leave Egypt are still killing me!


  1. Move to Europe habibi, and don't regret it. You can always move back if you really are not satisfied. Open up those lungs and take a deep breath of adventure.

  2. Just leave am sure u gonna be missed :P

  3. what you do in Cairo has so much more meaning (i find) as if you did the same thing in Europe!

  4. Kiki: hehe I'd say the same to u! =P

    Simon: I understand but at some point I get bored, u know?

  5. I am reading this post 6 months later but the points you mentioned are still valid of course. Living in a country like Egypt requires you sacrifice a lot of things and put so much effort into things that should simply be your basic rights. I agree with you that LGBT rights in Egypt will not really see the light unless Egypt fundamentally changes into a secular country, and God only knows how long that will take! I am scared that you will keep on postponing being totally and perfectly who you are until it's too late. You are still young, I believe now is the time to travel, experience new things and grow both mentally and emotionally then maybe come back to Egypt stronger and fight for LGTB rights having the right knowledge and using the right tools.

    Anyways, I am sorry for the long reply. I am not telling you to go or to stay. It doesn't have to be an either/or situation anyway! Just bear in mind that there's a price to pay whatever you decide.

    I love you and I'll miss you if you go, but I want what's best for you. Am I not the best person you know born under the sign of Aries? :D

  6. I really have nothing to reply with :) I totally relate to ur comment

    Thnx (and no u r not :P)


Feel free to speak out and leave a comment, I don't bite!