B for Bipolared

Scene I:
After I was done obsessing/stalking on facebook, I couldn't resist that sudden urge of checking Mr.B's profile on facebook & to my surprise I still remember his full name, email & mj's profile(which got deactivated for the disuse). So I checked his profile and stared a little in his photo, suddenly all his memories kept floating smoothly in my brain but my body's reaction was different! There was no butterflies or tingling sensation in my nerve endings or longing at all! I felt weird and different; that I want to meet him & check on him but in the same time I wasn't feeling the slightest bit of care. So I've decided to meet him and see by myself what's that all about!
I asked L's about the best way to write this kind of hooking-up msg to a Sagittarius(since L is one of them and all :P) & the msg of the perfect goal-oriented words made magical reply and I got myself a sex-date with Mr.B for tonight!

At exactly 10:30PM I was in front of his door, he let me in, I went to my place on the sofa, everything seemed familiar over and over again, it was all déjà vu, pensé et entendu! I rolled and smoked my first joint, kept asking questions about what's new in his life..etc and then he sniffed few lines, finished his beer, smoked up with me another joint, told me his pretty erotic adventures with his horny straight buddy that he makes out with when they both are totally wasted then showed me his dick photo and I told him about my latest sexual adventures too, we got hard, intensely made out, masturbated together and I came back to reality!

He seemed happier and more relaxed(sexually and everything else) than our last year's thing which I liked in him but also he looked totally different in my eyes, I felt like my brain was telling me at that moment: What were you thinking? What exactly were you seeing in him? How were you that stupid not to be able to differentiate between a mere physical heat of lust and dating/crushing?! He looked pretty normal to me; just another sexy discreet horny guy who is great on bed only...He looked just B!

Maybe I was so blind and now that I know what true relationship and love feel like, I can see clearly! Maybe also back then I wasn't much of a pot-head but now since I am one, I can totally differentiate between being emotional because of the hash effect and being emotional because it's real!
Either way, I felt greater than what I already feel about my relationship and I couldn't be happier!

Scene II:
I have been in an open relationship with Sunny for 10 months now but we've never had a ménage à trois ou plus! I just didn't give it much thinking all that time and also thought of keeping it on the shelf so we can use it in the perfect sexual timing though we thought of trying it once before when we hooked-up a muscled guy from Mohamed Ali Club but apparently he was more into Sunny than me so it didn't happen then I realized that we have different clientele and also somehow different taste in guys which made it kind of hard to find a suitable third!
Until today, it just came up spontaneously to our minds that we can do it with a guy he knows, and we did it!
I felt many different things on bed(no pun intended); excited, sexcited, emotional, lustful, powerful...I landed on the moon!

And I also saw a very different side of Sunny, a sexual side of him that I don't get to see with him which I can't explain much but I liked it in him(again, no pun intended) which made me stop a bit for few seconds while we are going at it and keep observing him with a smile! He looked very vivid in a cute way, I donno what it is, maybe a different look of pleasure in his eyes or maybe he was seeing me differently too and was reflecting the same feeling I'm feeling about him? Do I make any sense?
Who cares! All I know that it was fun, different and the cherry on the top(I swear, no pun intended) is that there was no childish materialistic feelings of jealousy that I've expected to feel!

btw my blog is now blocked in Saudi Arabia! lol

They tried to make me go to rehab but I said 'no, no, no'!

After having a "Welcome-back-I've-missed-you" intense & intimate sex with Sunny, he went for a quick shower and I lit a cigarette in front of the TV then I found myself hypnotized by the smoke that's coming out of the cigarette and went deeply in a state of contemplating. How come such a tiny thing could be addictive? then I looked around and felt that everything reeks of addiction; TV, DVD sets of TV shows, alcohol, rolling papers, music, iPhone, internet..etc!
When did we become that addictive? How do one knows if he/she is addicted to something? What defines addiction to start with, or more importantly; what starts it? Don't thoughts become words, words become actions, actions become habits, habits become character and character becomes destiny? So if that's true then do our patterns, consuming habits and our lifestyle translate into our addiction(s)?!

If you looked around you, you'll know what I mean, especially if you looked inside your friends. Like my friend Jovee's addiction to sweet coating sex by dating/relationships, or L's addiction to kink or S's addiction to an unhealthy virtual fantasy that reflects his inability of having a fulfilling social life, or Spectacular's addiction to successive relationships & Zum(aka Native)'s addiction to dysfunctional relationships, or E's addiction to intellect & pseudo-sophistication, or Kiki's addiction to pseudo-macho men, or Chi's addiction to disguising his inner-whore by his over-sweetness, or Mohinder's addiction to go from one addiction to another which are all ways for him to not feel his feelings, or my "last Scorpio fuck"'s addiction to power & authority!

So what if you hate your addiction and you want to get rid of it without replacing it by another one? In psychology they say that pre-contemplation, contemplation, preparation, action, maintenance & termination are the six stages for change. But does it really work or just cause you got the monkey off your back doesn't mean the circus has left town?