The exorcism of the gay me!

I've been having notorious mood-swings lately, I've always had them from time to time but recently they were very intense and successive in a tiring way, they made me totally believe that I don't have to be a female to get PMSy, my mood used to swing like a pendulum from a black mood in which nearly all of one's friends seem to be selfish or even false that leads to having great pleasure in thinking evil, to a highly elated mood in which I'm relieved and very emotional that a cheesy song or a movie scene would bring tears to my eyes, to an apathetic mood in which I don't really care about a god damn thing or person, to a "I don't exist" mood in which the surroundings are blurry shaped and I go deeply into reflecting mood that I don't listen to anything around me!

The swings were very exhausting, I had to get my ass out of them, I tried every possible thing, I talked about it as nothing helps a bad mood like spreading it around, I stopped masturbating, I jogged but I got more trapped inside my head, until one humid day; I was in the bathroom(my safety zone), I looked at the bathtub and I couldn't remember when was the last time I filled that tub and sit in it! So I quickly brought some candles, filled the tub with salty water & gel douche, put my cigarettes pack & ashtray away from water then I jumped in!
I assumed some relaxing positions, closed my eyes, pictured a relaxing picture of me lying in front of a sea and that was it! the miracle happened! I felt my stressed emotions were fading away with every water bead on my skin, my imprisoned thoughts were set free by every water drop off my hair and the mean & hurtful words evaporated with every blowing circle of smoke.
Now that my mind was free, I started to recollect myself & fluff my own pillows, it was hardly possible to build anything when frustration, bitterness and a mood of helplessness were prevailing. I couldn't help but notice that I've been mainly down and more apathetic since I started therapy, I miss me, I want to restore my pre-therapy life back...!

My shrink's pattern of treatment became so clear last session, he was only pointing out the drama in my life. Making me feel helpless, desperate, illusional and psychologically ill. He had been trying with me the "What comes first? Relationships or the chicken?" in the last few sessions by saying that I've been doing "sex comes before relationship" for the past 3 years and I'm still single so what about trying to reverse it? Until the last session where he was straight(pun intended) to the point; "you are miserable, edgy and tired so why don't you try the other way aka straight-en up?!" when he said it, I felt like he was saying you are miserable, edgy and tired so you are in the perfect mood for your exorcism!
He's so stupid to play that game with me, I know that I've dysfunctional relationship with my parents, I know that I've been single for three years now, I know that I feel lonely many times but all of that has nothing to do with my sexual orientation! If everyone who is miserable, edgy & tired switched his/her sexual orientation then there wouldn't be any heterosexual alive on this planet! Let him go gay first then I'll go straight! *Snap snap*

He unintentionally woke the beast, I restored my huge ego that keeps me warm in cold winter, he did the stupid mistake that I've been waiting for for so long, now is the perfect timing for me to be straight in front of him & my parents and eventually stop the whole therapy! I know that's the whole double life idea is ridiculous, lame and exhausting but It is the only way out of this therapy with having my parents on my side because let's face it; if I told him that I will stay queer, he'll start using another technique with me, I'll get psychologically messed up again, my parents will know(they already highly doubt) that I don't want to change as the therapy will take much longer time and also who knows what he'll tell my parents next? and nobody will be happy!
So I've to be very smart in the next sessions(my dear cynical readers, I know I won't outsmart him and I never said that I would) to sustain the "Yes, I can change" motives because I've to be careful with alterations, if I pull the wrong thread, everything falls apart!