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All the names that are mentioned in my posts are totally fake but they are related in a way to the real person's identity, so you do the maths!

Friday, January 9, 2009

Therapy session #1

Time: 8PM
Date: Monday, January 5
Place: Dr.Yehia El Rakhawi's clinic at Downtown

It felt weird to go to such a clinic with your parents and be surrounded by huge diversity of patients, there was about 9 patients before my turn, so we had to wait for like 2 hours to meet the doctor, I quickly scanned the place, it's a place where a good taste goes to die! I loved at every patient(though you would not know how is the patient and who is the companion) for a while, wondering what he/she might be suffering from! It was amazing! No one can judge anyone and anything you do, will be considered normal!
Me and my Mum concentrated on a certain conversation between some Bedouins from Yemen, they were loud thinking that no one would understand what they're saying but little did they know that their dialect is slightly similar to the Moroccan one! So we understood almost the whole conversation =D He's paranoid, believes that his wife is a street hooker who leaves the home at night when he's asleep though he has 9 kids from her and she wears Niqab! No judgment! but I couldn't stop laughing when I noticed that he kept the price tag on his sock! It looked so much like those hideous scenes from our Arabic movies!

Anyway we were in front of the Dr's desk around 10:30, an aging man with stethoscope around his neck and he had minimal difficulty in hearing!
The Dr: Welcome, so what are you feeling Nordine?
Me: *Blushed slightly and laughed*
Dr: How old are your siblings?
Me: my sister is older than me by 2 years and my brother is younger by 8 years
Dr: So tell me, how are you feeling? Why are you here?
Me: I've feelings towards males!
The Dr asking my Mum: When did you know about it?
Mum: I felt it long time ago from...
(The Dr interrupting her): When did you know?
Mum: 5 days ago!
Dr: How?
Mum: His sister showed me some conversations between him and some guys on the internet
The Dr asking my father: When did you know? Did they tell you directly?
Dad: Yes they did....and my dad kept telling him that he felt it from the way I dress, my hair...etc it tended to be sissy!!!
(I looked at my father, didn't believe what he just said! I was like "Believe me dad, you don't want to see how sissy-dressed gay guys would look like!!")
The Dr to my parents: Please leave me now with him and you will come back when I finish

The Dr to me: When did you start feeling that?
Me: When I was 16 years old [I lied]
Dr: not before that?
Me: I sure did but I didn't understand what I was feeling/going through back then but when I grew up, I totally understood
Dr: How? What did you use to do?
Me: I used to love some of my friends in a special way!
Dr: Do you masturbate?
Me: Yes
Dr: How often?
Me: I donno! every now & then!
Dr: Every week or two?
Me: Yes something like that!
Dr: Did you have sex before with a guy?
Me: No! [I LIED again lol]
Dr: Did you kiss any guy from the mouth before?
Me, surprised from the sudden question and how he said it: Umm..No! It never exceeded hugs wa keda [I believe he knew that I lied in this one]
Dr: So do you have/had a boyfriend?
Me: No
Dr: You have never met any gay guy?
Me: I've met two [I lied]
Dr: How?
Me: Through the internet
Dr: What did you do with them?
Me: Nothing, we just met in a café!
Dr, in a somehow rude tone: Do these guys stop at just just meeting in a café!
Me, crossing my leg and gaving him the look: Do you think I go meet any trashy unclassy guy?! I only meet classy decent guys! and I met them because I felt that they are!
Dr: *looking speechless*
Me: *Was just about to say "Don't look shocked hun, it makes ur face looks fat" but I didn't say it*

*End of conversation and my parents are back in*

Dr: your son is a good boy, nothing serious to worry about, many guys passed by what he's feeling, there is no drugs to treat such a problem, there is a big international fuss around this issue from the psychological and medical wise but inchallah with the therapy everything will be just fine!
So now I don't want more information from you(talking to my parents), If you want to know anything just say it as a question.
Mum: his father is travelling soon...
Dr, interrupting her: so what? It's okay!
Mum: but he is going to stay abroad for long time!
Dr: I told you it's okay, I'll be here instead of him!
Dad: Why did this happen to Nordine?
Dr: Qada2 wa Qadar! (It' his fate!)

Dr to me: Do you have any questions?
Me, looking innocent: Are there guys feeling what I'm feeling?
Dr: Yes there are, but the thoundands of guys on the internet don't mean anything, Egypt and we are still fine bla bla bla
Me: *Didn't say any further word and was like "Yeah, RIGHT!" *

The prescription was the following holy instructions to my parents:
  • You are prohibted to give any advice.
  • You are prohibted to spy on him.
  • You are prohibted to talk about this subject ever again except with his Dr, tell his sister that too and thank her for telling you about the whole issue.
  • You are prohibted to talk about past.
and he referred me to one of his assistants to follow-up with him, so next session will be next Monday with the slightly sexy young assistant at 3PM

All in all, my parents are still sweet, following the rules and I started rebonding with them as I felt bad to put them through all of that!




    my be three letter


    now the write up,,, love nordine or icequeer or which ever nick habibi why do you feel there is a need to lie to the doctor.....

    we obviously know he is not giong to cure you and lying doesnt get you anywhere... i think you know me that i am very very very against lying.

    i think this opprunity if i had free thearpy session i will totally take it.. i would make use of it in a million different ways.. like talk about other issues that are not me being gay thinking that i might be straight one day... no i will talk about other issues i am facing ....

    i am sure you had obstacles or something growing up ... like for me HIGH SCHOOL WAS SHIT... FIRST YEAR OF UNIVERSITY WAS A DISASTER WITH ALOT OF TEARS... but later on the bitch in me came out... and i evolved to become S (fyi S, from gossipgirl, when she is reborn as teh queen)


    again DONT LIE!!! and just say the truth

    tell me how much does that idiot of a doctor charge... and maybe i will go with you on separate sessions ... we can give him an absolute mmm thing to think about

  2. This post made me smile, do u really think that a doctor that experienced (or anyone as a a matter of fact) would really buy that you met only two gay guys, just for a coffee and that you wonder if there are guys feeling the same and that the only thing he would doubt of would be if u kissed a guy on the lips?!!!
    I agree with S, it's useless to lie, it will just make the process longer, i believe u have to choose your way, u either stand for your position or you get back in the closet as that guy with the weird name told u (the one in the previous post) (which entails lying, of course).
    There is one last possibility though, but i believe it won't be received popularly in this blog; did u ever think to actually try that therapy? I mean you sound like you reached a good point of acceptance of your sexuality, so i don't think talks and mind games would actually push you back to the place where you hate yourself for liking men, i mean what do u have to lose? if it works you will have known that you had unresolved problems, if it doesn't, you can honestly tell your parents "i tried and it didn't work out" and you can all move on together, in any case, you would have actually made a journey of self discovery with yourself, you'd have stripped off all of the masks/roles you ever wore/played, even with your own self and found out the true you. As S said, this is a good chance (S we agree so much, we should date!), not because of the talking, but because you are in a place were you can question everything you think and everything you think you believe/feel, (even your own moral code, your darkest deeds/secret desires that you never shared, not even with your best friend) and watch it from an external point of view, once it is out there, abstract, it becomes a matter of discussion between you and your doctor.
    My biggest advice if u chose this last option is to refrain from judging, opposing and refusing anything the doctor says, just absorb it and weigh it. I was a fighter with my psychiatric i'd attack and defend and only recently i realized that i was afraid, afraid that he might be right, that he might say something that would make me realize i wasn't really gay, I was afraid of that because it had taken me too long to accept my sexuality as a nature and not as a choice, that if i had found out that that wasn't true i'd have no excuse for my "immoral" actions, only now i realize that back then, even if i dated, had sex and thought i was happy being gay, in fact i still considered it deep in my subconscious as something terribly wrong.
    Face yourself nordine, it's scary, but it frees you ; "...and the truth will set you free"

  3. i lied i lied i lied !!!:):):):) actually its pointless to tell yr shrink the truth cuz he will simply help u to find peace if yr facing any conflict regarding yr sexuality he wont fix things and turn u str8 and thats what yr parents want!! and ull end up in endless sessions with em he'll drag more money from ya and yr parents will be satisfied thinkin yr on track
    kill that bastard and tell yr parents he wanted to rape me so i killed him!
    we tanx yalli jama3na hoon

  4. anonymous... i am always free for a date... but i am a bit superficial... so yalla email me your photo and everything hahaha...
    also to get an insight of my insanity check out my blog

    IQ i know i am advertising on your but come lets face it my blog needs major traffic and also appearantly according to Sanity a major uplift to its content

  5. Dear S

    I have been in love with your blog for so long , it is not boring at all , plus you are not an entertainer , you are just sharing your thoughts and ideas , just wanted to let you know :))

    IQ: i am so happy for you that you came out peacefully so far :) and i am with the rest about seizing the therapy thing for your best interest , so no need to lie !!

  6. IQ Im w the opinion of giving the shrink an honest try, u owe it to urself & to ur family. I also find it very interesting y u choose to lie in general & esp about wn did u start feeling this way.
    Also, the dr is a pro & probably knw u r liying & playing this game will be the real waste of time & money

  7. ^ it seems that u didn't read the post of the 2nd therapy session! Plz read it and u'll know more about the situation =)

  8. To "S", "Z" and "Tanx anony.": well i didnt reply to u guys earlier cuz i waited 2 explain myself in the 2nd session post, so i hope u guys understand me now =)


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